Wednesday, November 12, 2014
I am a very private person when it comes to my personal life and social media. I feel like everything is not for the internet, some things need to stay between family and close friends. In the month of October I had been dealing with a lot of things I never expected to happen. It all started when for 8 days my mom could not find my Aunt Carrie, my Mother thought she had went out of town. A week later my Aunt called her and told her she had been in the hospital for something minor. She told my Mom to pray for her. The nexy day we found out my Aunt was back in the hospital... but this time it was the worst news I would have ever expected to hear. We were told she had stage 4 cancer, my mom was very upset but I told my mom not to worry It could not be true. I thought as much as my Aunt would go to the doctor's she would have been knew if she had cancer. Sadly my Aunt found out when we all did that she had this disease. This was heart breaking to me but I tried to keep the faith. I went to see her in the hospital and she looked like the fighter I have always known her to be. I wanted to help her so I did my own reearch on things that helped cure cancer. I found out that some people with stage 4 cancer cure their cancer by drinking Raw carrot juce daily. So what did I do? I ran to the store and bought organic carrots and kale to make her juice. I love my aunt and would have done anything to help save her life. I made her the juice and the next day took it to her, she was to weak to eat or drink. It was so hurtful seeing someone so strong for the first time unable to be strong. Every day my Mother and I went to the hospital to see her, just sit with her, we just wanted to be there for her. Time passed and I was hopeful she would get better but she didn't. After weeks of being in a hospital my Aunt decided she wanted to go to a hospice care center, this broke my heart. I could not believe it but I end up finding out from my aunt's nurse who was one of my best friend Howard james who passed away when we were in high school Mother Patarcia. Crazy how all of us are connected and came together in a time like this. My aunt was in the hospice care for three days the other night Novemeber 11th at 2 am in the morning my Aunt passed away. I feel so much hurt and can not stop thinking this is not fair... My Aunt Carrie was the type of person that went beyond and over for other people, would help you in what ever situation a person was in, would make other people's stress her own. She Loved God and adored her children and Grandchildren, her family period, I really can't imagine my life without her, she was always there for whatever high or low I had through out my life. Cancer has also claimed the life Of my Nana last year in August. I pray to God they find a cure for this silent killer. It has taken the lives of too many amazing loving people. I could not just do a post about her she is worth a entire story. I will always miss her and hold her close to my heart. With faith that I will see my Aunt and my Nana again one day although I am heart broken their lives were cut short.
Monday, May 12, 2014
In the world we live in today many people look to be accepted by other's (meaning complete strangers). Let's all be honest we all want to be liked, If you say you don't you may be lying it's a part of human normally functions. But how far does it go? Many people change who they are just to get attention & to be liked by strangers. When it get's to this point many believe it has become a issue. One thing about me Growing up I had a Very strong Mother, all the women in my family had the same mentality as my Mother. As I look back on my up bringing I thank her. I began to Accept and Love who I was a long time ago, no matter what ANYONE else thought. Most of you know I have modeled for Magazine's etc, that right there alone took knowing who I really was to the next level. Why? because when you put yourself out there on a world display you will be judged. You will have many that love you including plenty that hate you lol it comes with the territory. So with that You know Mama must have raised me to be thick skinned lol for crying out loud I did Magazines that were sold in all stores being picked up daily by strangers. Here is what I have come to learn the more People that love you the more some people feel like they need to try to tear you down, you see it done to people all the time. When I step out my house I get alot of compliment's lol Now for some it goes to their head lol. For me it's cool I am humbled but I don't need people to VALIDATE me Never have. I have always loved me FOR ME, when I look in the mirror, what I have done in my life that is all the validation I need. When you Know who you really are you don't need to be told by other people. Their opinions will not have any effect on you rather positive or negative. In this life No matter how Smart you are, rich you are, beautiful you are, you will experience both reaction's from people. You can not control it or stop it. This is why being real with yourself is very important to any human being on this planet. Knowing who you really are is powerful, when you give yourself to the world as you really are NO one can take your ability to be YOU away from you. They can not tell you anything about yourself that will affect you good or bad. We all hold the power to what we allow to be consumed mentally. Yes be humbled by the great things that people say about you, but always remember you love you no matter what, even if those beautiful things were not being said about you. Knowing who you really are is very astonishing it sets the platform to where you are going in life, also what you will not allow in your life. You hold all the energy knowing who you really are is the first step to being amazingly great:)