F#CK CANCER!!!!

           I  DON'T KNOW WHERE THE BEGAN WITH THE HURT MY FAMILY JUST WENT THROUGH AGAIN THIS PASS WEEK. ONE OF MY FAVORITE AUNT'S PASSED AWAY FROM CANCER.. MY AUNT LISA. MY AUNT LISA DID NOT TELL US UNTIL SHE KNEW SHE WAS ABOUT TO LEAVE THIS WORLD. MY AUNT HAS ALWAYS BEEN STRONG NEVER WANTED TO BURDEN ANYONE WITH THINGS GOING ON IN HER LIFE, THAT IS JUST HOW SHE HAS ALWAYS BEEN. LOSING HER IS LOSING APART OF ME,  I HAVE SO MANY MEMORIES OF HER, SHE IS THE REASON I AM WHO I AM TODAY. MY AUNT WAS A DIVA SHE ALWAYS WAS SO STYLISH, KEPT HER NAILS PAINTED AND HAIR SLAYED LOL MY AUNT WAS A SHOP ADDICT. THE APPLE DID NOT FALL TO FAR FROM THE TREE. ALOT OF HER STYLE AND WAYS I PICKED UP ON AND MADE THEM MY OWN. ALL THE WOMEN IN MY FAMILY HAVE INFLUENCED ME IN A POSITIVE WAY. MY AUNT HAD TWO BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN THAT SHE LOVED NO MATTER WHAT..  MY AUNT AND I WOULD ALWAYS HAVE INTIMATE CONVERSATIONS ABOUT THINGS I BELIEVE MY AUNT ONLY TOLD ME AT TIMES. SHE NEVER CALLLED ME PORTIA SHE ALWAYS CALLED ME PORSHEEE LOL AS A KID I USE TO ALWAYS SPEND THE NIGHT OVER MY AUNTS HOUSE, I WOULD LOOK FORWARD TO IT.  SHE WAS THE BEST WHEN IT CAME TO MOVIE NIGHTS, SHOWING THE KIDS A GOOD TIME. THINGS LIKE THAT YOU NEVER FORGET. IT BECOMES A PART OF YOUR HISTORY... YOUR STORY, YOUR MEMORIES THAT WILL LIVE IN MY HEART FOREVER.  I WISH SHE HAD TOLD US SHE WAS SICK WE WOULD HAVE FAUGHT WITH HER. ALTHOUGH MY AUNT WAS A VERY STRONG PERSON NO ONE SHOULD HAVE TO FIGHT THAT FIGHT ALONE.  MY AUNT LISA WILL BE DEEPLY MISSED BUT NEVER FORGOTTEN.. YOU CAN NEVER FORGET A PERSON WHO HAD A BIG IMPACT AND TOUCHED SO MANY PEOPLE LIVES ALONG THEIR JOURNEY. SHE IS ONE OF THE REASONS I STARTED TO DO MAGAZINES, I TOOK A LEAP OF FAITH TO TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT.  FOR ALL OF THE PEOPLE I LOVE THAT PUSHED ME THAT ARE GONE NOW I HAVE TO FINISH WHAT I STARTED. AUNT LISA YOU WERE A AMAZING QUEEN, YOU LEFT A LOT OF BROKEN HEARTS THE DAY THAT DEPARTED FROM THIS MORTAL RIM BUT I KNOW YOUR LIFE GOES ON. ENERGY NEVER DIES IT JUST CHANGES FORM,  I KNOW I WILL SEE YOU AGAIN . THE NEXT TIME I SEE YOU I AM SURE I WILL LEARN EVEN MORE FROM YOU WHEN WE REUNITE. AUNT LISA ENJOY THE SPIRITUAL RIM, OUR WORLDS ARE ONLY SECONDS APART.. ENJOY YOUR REWARDS FOR BEING A AMAZING BEING WHILE HERE ON THIS EARTH. RIH AUNT LISA

DO PEOPLE TAKE SOCIAL MEDIA TO SERIOUS??

     I HAVE NOT BEEN ON INSTAGRAM AS LONG AS MOST BUT I HAVE NOTICED THE POST BEING PASSED AROUND THAT STATES (THIS WAS NOT ABOUT YOU BUT IF THE SHOE FITS WEAR IT. I NEVER UNDERSTOOD HOW PEOPLE CAN LOOK AT SOMEONE'S POST AND ASSUME IT'S ABOUT THEM. UNLESS THEY DEEP DOWN INSIDE FEEL IT SHOULD BE ABOUT THEM.GUILT CAN EXPOSE FEELINGS WITHOUT EVEN WANTING TO. THEN YOU HAVE FAMILY AND FRIENDS UNFOLLOWING AND BLOCKING PEOPLE THEY LITERALLY TALK TO OR USE TO TALK TO EVERY DAY TO LET THEM KNOW THEY ARE MAD AT THEM. (Talk about being petty and childish) WHEN IT COMES TO SOCIAL MEDIA LEAVE IT AS THAT.. IT SHOULD NEVER BE THAT SERIOUS. THERE IS TO MUCH MEANINGFUL THINGS GOING ON IN THE WORLD TO SPEND TIME BEING CONSUMED  WITH THINGS THAT LITERALLY MEAN NOTHING. NEXT YOU HAVE PEOPLE WHO HATE PEOPLE THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW BUT FOLLOW THEM AND LEAVE NEGATIVE COMMENTS ON THEIR PAGES. AM I MISSING SOMETHING? NO ONE IS FORCING YOU TO BE ON THEIR PAGE, IT MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE YOU HAVE A ISSUE NOT THE PERSON YOU CLAIM TO NOT LIKE BUT CANT HELP YOURSELF WHEN IT COMES TO LEAVING COMMENTS ABOUT THEM. YOU EVER HEARD THE SAYING (IT COST YOU NOTHING TO PAY ME NO MIND)? IF MORE PEOPLE USED IT THE WORLD WOULD HAVE LESS BITTER HATERS. THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS STOP GIVING THINGS TIME THAT SHOULD NOT EVEN HAVE YOUR ATTENTION. STOP WEARING ALL YOUR FEELINGS ON A SOCIAL SITE.. BEING AFFECTED WITH WHAT OTHERS DO ON THEIR PAGES. DEDICATE THAT TIME TO SOMETHING POSITIVE,SO MANY GREAT THINGS HAPPEN WHEN YOU CHANGE NEGATIVE ENERGY TO POSITIVE  ENERGY.

AUNT CARRIE... WHAT WILL I DO WITHOUT YOU . GOD HAS ANOTHER ANGEL

      I  am a very private person when it comes to my personal life and social media. I feel like everything is not for the internet, some things need to stay between family and close friends. In the month of October I had been dealing with a lot of things I never expected to happen. It all started when for 8 days my mom could not find my Aunt Carrie,  my Mother thought  she had went out of town. A week later my Aunt called her and told her she had been in the hospital for something minor. She told my Mom to pray for her. The nexy day we found out my Aunt was back in the hospital... but this time it was the worst news I would have ever expected to hear. We were told she had stage 4 cancer, my mom was very upset but I told my mom not to worry It could not be true. I thought as much as my Aunt would go to the doctor's she would have been knew if she had cancer. Sadly my Aunt found out when we all did that she had this disease. This was heart breaking to me but I tried to keep the faith. I went to see her in the hospital and she looked like the fighter I have always known her to be. I wanted to help her so I did my own reearch on things that helped cure cancer. I found out that some people with stage 4 cancer cure their cancer by drinking Raw carrot juce daily. So what did I do? I ran to the store and bought organic carrots and kale to make her juice.  I love my aunt and would have done anything to help save her life. I made her the juice and the next day took it to her, she was to weak to eat or drink. It was so hurtful seeing someone so strong for the first time unable to be strong.  Every day my Mother and I went to the hospital to see her, just sit with her, we just wanted to be there for her. Time passed and I was hopeful she would get better but she didn't. After weeks of being in a hospital my Aunt decided she wanted to go to a hospice care center, this broke my heart.  I could not believe it but I end up finding out from my aunt's nurse who was one of my best friend Howard james who passed away when we were in high school Mother Patarcia. Crazy how all of us are connected and came together in a time like this. My aunt was in the hospice care for three days the other night Novemeber 11th at 2 am in the morning my Aunt passed away. I feel so much hurt and can not stop thinking this is not fair... My Aunt Carrie was the type of person that went beyond and over for other people, would help you in what ever situation a person was in, would make other people's stress her own. She Loved God and adored her children and Grandchildren, her family period,  I really can't imagine my life without her, she was always there for whatever high or low I had through out my life. Cancer  has also claimed the life Of my Nana last year in August. I pray to God they find a cure for this silent killer. It has taken the lives of too many amazing loving people.  I could not just do a post about her she is worth a entire story. I will always miss her and hold her close to my heart. With faith that I will see my Aunt and my Nana again one day although I am heart broken their lives were cut short.

DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU REALLY ARE?

        In the world we live in today many people look to be accepted by other's (meaning complete strangers). Let's all be honest we all want to be liked, If you say you don't you may be lying it's a part of human normally functions. But how far does it go? Many people change who they are just to get attention & to be liked by strangers. When it get's to this point many believe it has become a issue.  One thing about me Growing up I had a  Very strong Mother, all the women in my family had the same mentality as my Mother. As I look back on my up bringing I thank her. I began to Accept and Love who I was a long time ago, no matter what ANYONE else thought. Most of you know I have modeled for Magazine's etc, that right there alone took knowing who I really was to the next level. Why? because when you put yourself out there on a world display you will be judged. You will have many that love you including plenty that hate you lol it comes with the territory. So with that You know Mama must have raised me to be thick skinned lol for crying out loud I did Magazines that were sold in all stores being picked up daily by strangers. Here is what I have come to learn the more People that love you the more some people feel like they need to try to tear you down, you see it done to people all the time. When I step out my house I get alot of compliment's lol Now for some it goes to their head lol. For me it's cool I am humbled but I don't need people to VALIDATE me Never have. I have always loved me FOR ME, when I look in the mirror, what I have done in my life that is all the validation I need. When you Know who you really are you don't need to be told by other people. Their opinions will not have any effect on you rather positive or negative. In this life No matter how Smart you are, rich you are, beautiful you are,  you will experience both reaction's from people. You can not control it or stop it. This is why being real with yourself is very important to any human being on this planet. Knowing who you really are is powerful, when you give yourself to the world as you really are NO one can take your ability to be YOU away from you. They can not tell you anything about yourself that will affect you good or bad.  We all hold the power to what we allow to be consumed mentally. Yes be humbled by the great things that people say about you, but always remember you love you no matter what, even if those beautiful things were not being said about you. Knowing who you really are is very astonishing it sets the platform to where you are going in life, also what you will not allow in your life. You hold all the energy knowing who you really are is the first step to being amazingly great:)

ARE WOMEN MORE INSECURE THAN MEN?

     You guys always ask me to update my blog, well here you go and this is a Real topic that is mentioned alot in our time now. ARE WOMEN MORE INSECURE THAN MEN, OR ARE THE MEN? what do you think? what's your answer? well lets's compare the two. We will start with the MAN... Since the beginning of time Men have always had the role of being the provider. He is to always provide for his woman and family at any given cost. Now back several years ago this was a stressful job,  it is very much stressful today but with even more pressure, do to todays demand's from women also competing with other successful men. In this new generation if a man does not have money 9 out of 10 a woman is not interested in him. He could treat her like a queen with kind words, back rubs etc it's still not good enough, because if he does not buy her nice gifts, help her out with bills etc MOST women aren't looking at him as someone she can be with long term. She is probably not even taking him serious and has lost intrest in him quick. So with this kind of pressure to catch the attention of a woman a man may go out and put his freedom also his life in danger just to upgrade his status. Or he will pretend to have money just to attract a certain womens attention. This is like playing with FIRE because once she realizes he lied about what he had a woman is completely turned off and has lost all respect for the man. Wow That is a mans biggest possible insecure issue (his status and money). You see because a lot of women don't care about a mans looks as long as he has money  (sad truth) Now lets move on to the woman, Now several years ago a woman may have had insecurity's but they have nothing on today's women. You see a woman never had the role of being a provider, rather she was poor or a queen of egypt, her job was to raise the children and stand by her man. To support his decisions, take care of him sexually and pretty much she was worry free. But today's woman has a physical pressure, Because of rap songs, what the media says is beautiful or a (DIME) Alot of men expect all women to have big breast a small waist and a big butt. Hmmm now how is this even possible? most women are not Naturally built like that it has always been just a few here and there. Even the late Mailyn Monroe was rare back in her time because of her beauty and curvy body. She had a body that even alot of the black actress did not have back in those times. This is another reason why men went crazy over her, she was known for her curvy body. Plastic surgery was not at it's all  time high back then, It was something that alot of women may have wanted to do but were to ashamed to get it done. Now in days women are so pressured to have this body they will do anything to get it. Spend tons of money they really don't have just to compete with the woman that was born with it. Why? Because they see how men treat her, how they adore her, how they are willing to spend money on her, She is the cool female that ever man/ even some women lol want's a piece of. By doing all this just to stand out alot of women have lost their lives, or have been left with ugly scars mentally and physically. Then lets talk about how men claim to only like LIGHT SKIN women smdh. You see this on twitter, instagram, magazines, You hear it come out a man's mouth, You hear this in Rap songs by you favorite rapper. This is by all means sad and it takes US right back to the slavery days smdh, I have heard & seen men say this and I KNOW ALL OF YOU HAVE TO unless you have been living under a rock all your life, that they will take a light skin female over a brownskin female any day of the week. Or they think light skin females look better than brownskin females no matter what. REALLY?? I am a light skin Woman  here to tell you as you have seen me say on my TWITTER even in interviews several times that I have seen far more Beautiful Brownskin women in my life time then light skin woman. So why people always put lighter women on a pedestal is beyond me. My sister @ashlee_ray is the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on, I have been saying this for years!!1 and most of you if not all of you know this. Ashlee is a beautiful Brownskin woman, big slanted eyes, High cheek bones, a narrow nose with fully lips. Yes my dears this is her natural face, she has done nothing to it to gain this look (GOD DID THAT ) LOL Exotic at it's finnest. As beautiful as she is she has had Men tell her she is the first brownskin woman they ever found attractive, she is not a normal looking Brownskin woman, she is to exotic to be... WTH. Ashlee is very confident in herself so when she would tell me about men saying this to her I knew it did not bother her one bit, because she is very secure with herself. So who is most likely more insecure in the time we are in now? Men are always judged on the their status following the amount of money they have. Woman which all of us are beautiful in the skin we are in no matter the shade or size unfortunately have a heavy weight to carry to look a certain way. Where did theses demands come from?? I will leave you with this.... as women and men we all need to realize the amount of pressure we put on each other and stop this cycle! start accepting people for who they really are. Not making them feel like they need to reach a certain mark of  acceptance  to be considered something worth  adoring. We all need to do better at building each other up, letting people know it is the most beautiful thing to JUST BE YOU:)  being different from othere's is what makes us all special, when everything is alike it loses it's zest and meaning.

YOU HAVE TO BE HAPPY WITH YOU FIRST:) VERY HARD TO DO

    Hello my lovely readers I am writing this due to a email I got on my blessings, about the world in general. Let me First start off saying I had to learn how to Love myself (sound weird right?  In middle school I was Highyellow, small framed With long curly hair and I felt that I looked weird.  As time went on with the help of my MOTHER and GOD I began to love who I was and accept myself how God made me, I never looked back from that point. Loving yourself sound's easy but is one of the hardest things to do, especially with all the unrealistic things that the world now pushes down America's throat as perfect, Physically and material wise. The truth of the matter is we are ALL PERFECT no two people were meant to be the same in any king of way, that is what makes us AMAZING:) Ok Lets talk about PLASTIC SURGERY (YES it is the most talked about thing now on the internet and in general period). Now about me I am 100 percent NATURAL, My body is not perfect, has never been perfect and will NEVER be perfect. I have gone from the body weight stages of skinny as a young child, to big as a young teen, to a size I was happy with to smaller to big again lol even bigger lol. Going through those stages were not supper easy mentally but since that love that had been planted in me by my Mom ( I thought who cares I am alive,live be happy lol) I want to say this I NEVER want to make any one feel bad that have had plastic surgery or wear's weave because they choose to. My thing is being who you REALLY ARE is the most beautiful version of yourself you can be. We aren't talking about people with Cancer that wear wigs etc. My Italian Grandmother has Cancer and she still doesn't wear wigs lol nana has a short hair cut lol That is her choice. Lets talk about material things, No it is not good to EVER FLASH YOUR BLESSINGS. Its almost like bragging because you never had something but finally do now. I will not sit here and lie as if I have never done it, unfortunately I did it due to being to humble never showing my blessing, having people question what I had when in reality its none of their business. So I fail for that trap, posted pictures of money cars and jewelry (basically saying just because I don't show it off doesn't mean I don't have it. There was no point in that because STRANGER'S OPINION of you should NEVER matter especial if its negative or they are guessing your life situations without knowing you on a personal level. If you live your life trying to prove facts about you to a bunch of STRANGERS you will be lost at sea never able to return. In this life people are going to talk negative about you for no REASON at all, or maybe because of some insecure issues they have with themselves, you will never know. Never pick your brain trying to find out  as long as you know the truth and who you are that is the only opinion that has any credibility. All this goes back to CAN YOU LOVE YOURSELF with all the negativity that surrounds this world now? My Mom & Dad has always taught me to be in this word but not of it( meaning live in this world but don't let the world become you. Never get attached to things that have no meaning in your world. I have to say thanks Mom & Dad because without your teachings of all the trails and dark valleys you knew I would cross in life I may have been consumed by this world.  So lets all practice together in loving our selves, instead of looking at what you don't have find things that you are grateful for that you do have. Don't measure your  happyness to someone else's blessings.  None of us have to look very hard to find that we all have so much to be happy and blessed about.:)

HAS BEING ON SOCIAL MEDIA & THE INTERNET, TEXTING, CHANGED YOUR LIFE?

                       This post is a update on some things that I have noticed with being apart of social media also giving time to being on the internet period. Have you ever noticed how the world has changed over the last 3 to 4 years because of the internet?? There are more children committing  suicide over cyber bulling then there has ever been. Do to people posting pictures of them  Slandering them and making fun of them, with them or their parents not knowing how to get images or the videos removed. This is by all means not good. Its easier for children to see porn and other images that a child should not be seeing at a young innocent age. Has social media change your REAL social life?? What I mean by this some people rather talk to complete strangers that are on social media instead of the REAL people that are in their lives. This has put a imbalance on cyber verse Reality. A lot of people are really living their lives through the internet, looking to be validated  by people that are complete strangers. Then there are those who live to put other people down on the internet because their real lives are so miserable. These kind of people really wake up every day jump on their phone or computer to write negative comments about people they don't know from a can of paint.  In a sick reality this pleases their minds and souls to do this with no regrets or even a single thought of this is really wrong smh. What have we become? Have you ever noticed what dinner looks like at a restaurant now? When you walk in most of the times peoples heads are buried in their phones, no one's conversation is with each other, its with their phones. Another crazy social change people rather text then pick up the phone and actually call a loved one to hear their voice. Believe it or not these new acts are pushing us further apart from the people we really love, it makes conversations at dinner, picking up the phone to call some one a thing of the past. Take a look at everything I am saying I am sure you will find plenty of facts in it. Its up to us to change it, the social media and internet has be come the new addiction, It seem to be the new CRACK in virtual form. Well lets all kick this addiction together :) The first step is admitting you are a addict then seeking help to fix it:) in this case facing REALITY.